This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
