matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
