They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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