You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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