I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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