I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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