none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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