Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
