So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
