brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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