I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
