Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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