Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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