so that wasnt chicken after all
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
