Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize