Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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