Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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