one two three fourrrrnication!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I intend to get homeless drunk
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Boobs are out for the taking
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
