to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
