You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
