Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
