Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
