His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
