I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
