i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
