Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
