Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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