im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
