Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
