I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
