hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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