Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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