During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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