Hey man sorry I got all grabby
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
