i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
