I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
