Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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