Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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