Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
