I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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