I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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