I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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