I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize