You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
