so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
