I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think i have two assholes
my being single is dangerous.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
