Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Found your dick twin last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
