Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
