He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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