i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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