Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
