I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
