if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
