That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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