You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize