well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
