I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize