I cockslap morals
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
