is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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