How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
