I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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