she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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