I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
