That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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