eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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