Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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