thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
