I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I did not marry a roomba.
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