You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He passed out mid-signature
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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