Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
accomplished twins. life is a go
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
