rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize