my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
