Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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