lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
