She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
