i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
