If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
