My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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