I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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