my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
