I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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