So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
