you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
