the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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