I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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