you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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