So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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