Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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