I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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