eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
