Kiss
Puke
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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