im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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