walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
