Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
