So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Are we still banned from the library?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
